I had the opportunity to serve as a panelist for the Connecting the Dots to End DV Conference that took place at Abundant Grace Fellowship Church. It was hosted by the Healing Grace Counseling Services ministry of the church. I also provided the closing remarks for the program with the topic of ‘Now What’, which happens to fall in alignment with one of my signature talks. The panelists included everyone from the police department, members of the clergy, counseling and mental health services. The point of the conference was to provide information for all walks of the community, with the goal of ‘connecting the dots’ for those who may be going through abuse to see and know that options and support are available in all areas that they may encounter.
One of the biggest reasons that I was honored to participate in this event is that the focus was keeping the conversation of domestic violence going after October. That is something that’s very important to me. In a previous blog, I shared about writing an article for The Memphis Flyer entitled From Awareness to Action. In it, I shared my thoughts about the necessity of taking the information that we gain in October and using it to educate and assist victims of abuse all year long. I was also impressed with the fact that they had a special segment just for teens.
I sincerely thank Paris Ducker who asked me to take part in the conference and for everyone who embraced me and my insights.
I’m extremely honored to have been selected as the Mommy Maven of the week for the week of 10/8/15! So, just what is The Mommy Maven? It was founded in 2011 by LaTersa Blakely as an outlet to provide stay home mothers and mom entrepreneurs with useful content on how to balance having successful homes and businesses. The articles, tips, videos, etc. are outstanding. And, while all of my children have just crossed over the adulthood threshold, I was able to share my insights on how and why I started my journey of writing, speaking and training, the impact it had on me as a mother and some tips for those who may be starting out!
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am honored to share that my submission to The Memphis Flyer’s Viewpoint column was received and approved for publication. It was great to see the print publication last night, and the online version is now available. Click the title to read the article and be sure to leave a comment. Domestic Violence: From Awareness to Action
The picture is the cover of the latest edition of the Memphis Flyer.
I am honored that WREG Channel 3’s Markova Reed featured me as the weekly Bright Spot for my work to make sure that men are included in the advocating of ending violence against women. I am a seven year survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault. I have always believed that while men are viewed as the problem regarding domestic violence, I also believe they play a large roll in helping to end it.
When I started our nonprofit, Walking Into A New Life, Inc., I wanted to make sure that people knew that part of my courage for starting it in the first place was due to the support and encouragement of a man. I had spoken a few places about my abuse, but hadn’t formally put anything in place. This man did not have a yearning passion to work in this field. He didn’t have a lot of education or clinical background on the subject. However, he took an interest in helping me build a website, develop a logo and even provided input on creating the name. As I was beginning to learn more about myself, I began to question why I made the relationship choices I did. I wondered if there were other men who’d been victimized. I wondered if there were men who were regretful about the way they treated women. I questioned why the man I met had taken an interest in helping me without wanting something in return. And, if he was legitimately a genuine soul, was it possible that other men like him existed. After completing a bit of internet searching, I would find an organization and one man in particular to be intriguing, engaging and passionate about the work-Tony Porter, co-founder of A Call To Men.
After spending a couple of months of calling his headquarters, I was told by his Executive Assistant (who’d learned my voice) that he would be coming to Tunica, Ms and would make a stop in Memphis to LeMoyne Owen College. This was great news, especially since this wasn’t a part of the country that he traveled. I had no car at the time, and I had only been out of my abusive environment for less than a year. But, I rode the bus as far as it would take me and walked the rest of the way to the college. After his presentation, I made my way to him and when I told him who I was, he laughed and said that his assistant said I may coming to meet him. I told him about my desire to understand more about men being involved in this work, and we’ve been friends ever since. He has been the keynote speaker for our organization twice, and he continues to provide me with encouragement and support as I move forward in my journey.
As for the man who encouraged me to follow my passion and purpose- well, he and I got married last year! That is another blog for another time. But, I am proof that business and healthy relationships can be blended into a beautiful marriage. Now, we work together in business and in marriage as I continue to grow my speaking and writing platform.
When we were in grammar school, we were taught the concept of stop, drop and roll in case of a fire. I have found this approach to be useful in my personal and professional journey of growth.
STOP: Sometime, we have to place ourselves Under Construction. If you broke your foot, you would wear a medical boot. People will see it, recognize that you’re not matching, but they will understand. When you’ve healed and you’re ready, you will remove the boot and the world will see your new and improved look. The same is true with your website or any other social media presence. It’s ok to put up an “Under Construction” page for awhile. People will see that you’ve shut down, but they will understand that you’re going through a transformation process to improve. For those who feel like they must leave it up because they’re going to miss out on something or someone, ask yourself what type of people are you attracting with misinformation, misspelled words or outdated content. Anyone who’s looking to take your brand seriously will not give you the time of day if what you have to offer isn’t a clean, clear and functional representation of your brand.
When we get dressed, we always check the mirror to make sure our makeup is on point, our shoes, dress, purse, tie, pocket square, etc… is a good coordinated compliment to our overall appearance and presentation. People notice if you are wearing one red shoe and one black shoe. They notice if your pants are too long, your dress is too tight or if your perfume is too loud. People will look at you strange and talk about you. You will end up being somebody’s meme. The same is true for whatever business you’re in. Just as we go back to the mirror to double check our appearance, we also have to go back from time to time to make sure that our cyber world hasn’t been hacked and that it’s working properly.
Drop: It’s all about proximity. I was watching an episode of Shark Tank and Damon John was offering advice to a contestant. His paraphrased statement: “It’s all about proximity. If you hang out with four broke people, guess what? You’ll be number five.” Steve Harvey says that his dad told him that the best thing he could do for broke people is not to be one of them. As I work to grow and establish myself holistically, I often reflect on these two statements. Who am I hanging around? Are these people adding value to my life? Am I adding value to theirs? Broke isn’t always in finances, as I’ve dealt with a number of people who were also broken in spirit and time. They have of time for drama, gossip, pity parties, Real Housewives of whomever and yet, they have legitimate issues that are legitimately affecting their overall quality of life. However, you have to be willing to put yourself in a position of prosperity. You have to be open for change. And, most of all, you have to put in the work. Sometimes, you have to be creative in your creativity and ask for help. Put yourself in a position to receive the things you say you want and need. You have to do it mentally AND physically.
Roll: Move your brand in the intended direction. People will treat you and your brand in accordance to what you’re showing them. I remember having this great video made of me to promote my new business and the videographer thought it would be good to incorporate my ‘why’ for the business. The result? People who saw it viewed me as an abuse survivor who became an entrepreneur rather than an entrepreneur who is also a survivor. I found myself being sought after for my advocacy, and my business became secondary. It took me nearly two years before I realized that I’d inadvertently misdirected potential business in a different direction. I branded myself the wrong way. Since that time, I’ve removed the video altogether from my site. I use the video for advocacy speaking and training purposes.
Remember to stop, drop and roll when considering which direction to go in and eliminate the potential fires that could result in moving by the wrong direction.
