Greater Faith Tabernacle has been hosting the Daddy’s Girls Conference for the past 14 years. It has been an honor to work with and support the GFT family over the years for such an important event, as the event and the members of the congregation are dear to me. It was especially gratifying to be asked to serve as the Keynote speaker for their annual Kick Off Brunch.
I spoke about the importance of walking in faith, working through fear and trusting yourself and others. I shared my own experiences of abuse and what it means to be an overcomer. I shared about my earthly father and the relationship we had. We talked a lot about walking which was a big part of their theme for this year. Ironically, my organization is called Walking Into A New Life, Inc. And, as I always say, I do not believe in coincidences, so everything said and done that day was as it was intended to be.
The following is quoted directly from Greater Faith’s website to better provide the history of Daddy’s Girls and why it’s so important. I do encourage you to visit GFT if you’re living in Memphis or there visiting. Pastor and 1st Lady Johnson are beautiful souls and so is their entire congregation.
“Getting Families Together (GFT) is the nonprofit arm of Greater Faith Tabernacle Ministries, an edifice established for the community by the community. GFT is housed in the Institute for Success Center, a 15,000 square foot multipurpose community family life center, that opened its doors in 2004.
During the construction of the IS Center and approximately one year prior to its completion GFT’s founder, Pastor Orlester Johnson, received numerous women bearing similar experiences during altar call. Although their ages and nationalities varied, each woman spoke of the need to break free of the secret bondage holding them. These women shared similar stories of enduring sexual molestation as children, intimate partner violence (IPV), various other forms of domestic violence (DV), and other abusive situations. They spoke freely about the abuse they had suffered as a child and some confessed that they continued to suffer from violent situations in adulthood. Each of these individuals had grown up in households that did not include their biological father. Several spoke of being subjected to abusive stituations with men who were a relative, teacher, coach, pastor, or other person holding a supposedly “respectful” leadership role in their lives and that of their family.
As a direct result of receiving numerous disturbing accounts of this nature, the first annual Daddy’s Girls Conference convened in 2005. “
My 10 Year Milestone: On this day, ten years ago, I took my life back and became a DV survivor. To some, this may not mean a lot. There will be some who I KNOW will question why I’m sharing this at all. But, if you had known me the way that my children knew me 10 years ago, you’d know I was holistically broken with no real plan of how to care or love me or them the way we all deserved. Today, I can honestly say I love myself & do my best to make sure my children know they have my love & support. I am a happy, healthy wife, mom, MiMi, entrepreneur, executive director, national speaker, 2x Best selling author and committed to helping the community in the way it has been given to me to do. I’ve met the most beautiful people who’ve helped/supported me along the way (celebrities, and more importantly, ordinary people like me). I have never desired to be popular. I do, however, desire to be impactful. I want to have to heart of service like Edna with the smile & realness of John (my grandma & daddy).
If you’ve done anything (marriage, a job, a business, etc.) consistently for 10 years, you know it takes dedication, discipline, consistency, strong belief and your why (personal/professional) has to be stronger than any opposition you face (family, friends, colleagues, your own self doubt). It’s encouraging for others to see, hear and know.
I was nominated for an award last year regarding my book. However, the criteria for becoming a finalist was not based on popularity. I listened intently on Facebook Live as the event organizer shared her vision regarding the awards ceremony. She made one statement that has stayed with me from the moment I heard it. She said, you may be popular, but you may not be impacting the community. Her focus was centered around more than just writing a book. She wanted to know how the book was helping someone-anyone!
When asked, I was able to share how my book was being used to teach others how to heal, how to establish self sufficiency and self worth. My book was a transparent look into my life in a way that others could relate. I included realistic strategies and pages to be used as a journal. I did not win the award, but I was named as a finalist. I am honored by the acknowledgement. And, I ‘m even more honored to say it continues to serve as a guide for others.
The book is Restoring the Whole in My Soul, and it’s available as a paperback as well as an e-book. I’ve since gone on to co-author a second book. It’s entitled, You Need It, I Got It! It gave me the opportunity to showcase myself as a woman in business. And, I was able to incorporate my passion for personal development. The second book is only available as an e-book. They can all be purchased on the home page of my website, www.joycekyles.com. Get them for yourself or those you care about. I also have a workbook associated with my 1st book that is used for group sessions.
I am not interested in being popular, especially if it results in having a lesser impact on the audiences I desire to reach. I’ve never been part of the ‘in’ crowd. I’m not part of a sorority or social club. I have always maintained my love for writing, speaking and a boots on the ground spirit of giving and doing. If becoming popular provides me a platform to help more people and become more holistically sound, then I’ll certainly take it.
Like millions of others, I watched the 75th Annual Golden Globe Awards ceremony. The solidarity in the room was evident. Many of the attendees wore black in support of the #metoo and #timesup movement regarding sexual assault and inequality. Among the attendees were advocates who have worked tirelessly in this effort and have gone under the radar. It was wonderful to see them on the red carpet with those who have a celebrity platform, and that platform is being used to raise awareness and push for change. Sterling K. Brown’s acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Drama series pretty much summed up how I strive to be seen. And, then there’s Oprah Winfrey. How could you NOT be moved to tears, excitement and inspiration after THAT speech? I am printing out their speeches & placing them on my wall. My voice is here to stay!
I have replayed those speeches multiple times this morning and cried each time. Why? Because I’ve been planning for weeks to write what I’m about to share. Each time I would begin to write, I would stop. I think it’s because I didn’t think at this stage of my life that it wouldn’t matter. But, over the past few months, I’ve talked with other advocates and speakers near and far. I appreciate more and more that I’m not the only one who’s gone through this or may be going through it now.
I started talking about domestic violence and sexual assault more formally in 2010. I didn’t intend to do it on a regular basis. I’d just started a web design and writing business. It included a a cause inspired idea to sell t-shirts. They were created with the intention of me selling them and donating a portion of the proceeds to a particular agency. I shared my why and put together a proposal. I also met individuals who were already working in these areas and was even invited to a meeting to learn more about other women’s organizations and the possibility of membership to one in particular. I began speaking at more events, freely sharing my story and time. Here I was, telling my story and eager to work with and support any and every body I could in the hope of helping others. I thought everyone would be excited to see this humble, brave, bold survivor share her story and be willing to fight for the cause. Talk about naive.
The truth is, the agency I wanted to work didn’t want to work with me. I was told (so keep in mind that this is hearsay) that when someone brought my name up in a meeting, the director questioned who I was and why would they want to work with me. While there was interest by at least one person, the one that mattered never got on board and never responded to my direct phone calls or emails. Needless to say, I eventually gave up on the idea, and I never chose to say anything about what I heard. One, it was hearsay, and two, I got the answer I needed when I never got an answer. Months later, I would meet the deciding individual at an event and introduce myself. The response? I know who you are, shook my hand and walked away to chat with others.
And, I never received the formal application for membership. As I talked with different women in the room, it became painfully clear that I wasn’t an affluent member of society. Being in that room made me feel like a small black woman who had a good ‘survivor story’ but that was about it. But, when I made the decision to host my first domestic violence event, I was sent an email by one of those same organizers. I was told that there were already a number of DV events going on and not wanting to have any conflicts. I was asked to tell the individual more about my plans. I didn’t respond. Instead, I went forward with my plans to host the first of what would be several events.
I’ve encountered more of the same over the years. Sadly, I still have peers, and in some cases, even friends who directly or indirectly marginalize me. They don’t see the value of my voice or the sincerity and passion for which I operate. Unfortunately, there will always be those who met me when I was coming out of my victimization and that is how they will always see me. That is not my concern. They don’t dwell in the places and spaces I strive to go. I am m not stuck in my past. I am proud of the way my past has given me strength, courage and direction.
I will keep doing the work with a smile on my face. I do it because I want to help as many people as I can to become holistically healed, self sufficient and able to speak their truth with confidence and support. I am inspired by the men and women who tell me I helped them in some way. I am forever thankful for the outpouring of love and support of those who embrace me, work with me, mentor me and share a heart to help our communities. It far outweighs the negative direct/indirect actions of a few. If I my words and actions have positively impacted others, I’m doing the right thing and for the right reasons. I came into this work with a boots on the ground mentality. My ultimate goal is to use that mentality in a way that will help to support policy regarding the intersections of domestic violence and other social justice issues. My voice isn’t going anywhere. As we enter into a new year, I’m excited about the places and spaces I plan to use my voice even more.
Whether you celebrate Thanksgiving or not, I hope the day as well as this past weekend, has been one of positive experiences, good times, rest, relaxation and reflection. I created a newsletter to include some special offers in recognition of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday & Cyber Monday. I ask that you read it, share it and take advantage of the available offerings. Thank you for the continued support of all I continue to do in business and advocacy.
