by Joyce Kyles | Oct 3, 2015 | Blog
Today, I participated in my first 5k run/walk. The 2nd Annual Share Life Awareness Walk took place at 9am this morning. It was hosted by Kamekio Lewis, who wears many hats to include author, Executive Director, Magazine Editor, wife, mother and survivor of domestic violence. It was an honor to participate in the event. And, I actually placed 2nd in the walk/run! Not bad for someone who is NOT a runner and as much as I hate to admit it, not actively engaging in exercise in the way that I should be. I learned some great lessons from the event, and I’ll be writing another blog that will be specific to lessons learned. For now, I want to just take a moment to celebrate this awesome milestone.
Far too often, people feel as though 2nd place is not good enough. Society says that almost doesn’t count, or that no one remembers who’s second-only who won. There is some degree of truth to that considering the circumstances and what’s at stake. However, when it comes to the challenges we encounter in our lives, 2nd place may just be a comfortable place to be in. Take my race today as an example. I didn’t properly exercise & I’d never participated in a 2, 3, 5k anything before today. I just had the desire to support my friends and colleagues. I made up my mind to try running at least 1/2 of the 5k. It really didn’t matter to me who else would remember how I placed in the race. It was important to me that ‘I’ finished it. It was about me. It was about my personal challenge. It was about my personal goals. Therefore, the importance of the outcome was personal, not societal.
2nd place was a first place win for me, and I’ll gladly take that recognition…and my lovely gift basket of relaxation goodies, compliments of Kamekio Lewis and Honey Pot!
by Joyce Kyles | Oct 1, 2015 | Blog
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am honored to share that my submission to The Memphis Flyer’s Viewpoint column was received and approved for publication. It was great to see the print publication last night, and the online version is now available. Click the title to read the article and be sure to leave a comment.
Domestic Violence: From Awareness to Action
The picture is the cover of the latest edition of the Memphis Flyer.
by Joyce Kyles | Sep 24, 2015 | Blog
I am honored that WREG Channel 3’s Markova Reed featured me as the weekly Bright Spot for my work to make sure that men are included in the advocating of ending violence against women. I am a seven year survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault. I have always believed that while men are viewed as the problem regarding domestic violence, I also believe they play a large roll in helping to end it.
When I started our nonprofit, Walking Into A New Life, Inc., I wanted to make sure that people knew that part of my courage for starting it in the first place was due to the support and encouragement of a man. I had spoken a few places about my abuse, but hadn’t formally put anything in place. This man did not have a yearning passion to work in this field. He didn’t have a lot of education or clinical background on the subject. However, he took an interest in helping me build a website, develop a logo and even provided input on creating the name. As I was beginning to learn more about myself, I began to question why I made the relationship choices I did. I wondered if there were other men who’d been victimized. I wondered if there were men who were regretful about the way they treated women. I questioned why the man I met had taken an interest in helping me without wanting something in return. And, if he was legitimately a genuine soul, was it possible that other men like him existed. After completing a bit of internet searching, I would find an organization and one man in particular to be intriguing, engaging and passionate about the work-Tony Porter, co-founder of A Call To Men.
After spending a couple of months of calling his headquarters, I was told by his Executive Assistant (who’d learned my voice) that he would be coming to Tunica, Ms and would make a stop in Memphis to LeMoyne Owen College. This was great news, especially since this wasn’t a part of the country that he traveled. I had no car at the time, and I had only been out of my abusive environment for less than a year. But, I rode the bus as far as it would take me and walked the rest of the way to the college. After his presentation, I made my way to him and when I told him who I was, he laughed and said that his assistant said I may coming to meet him. I told him about my desire to understand more about men being involved in this work, and we’ve been friends ever since. He has been the keynote speaker for our organization twice, and he continues to provide me with encouragement and support as I move forward in my journey.
As for the man who encouraged me to follow my passion and purpose- well, he and I got married last year! That is another blog for another time. But, I am proof that business and healthy relationships can be blended into a beautiful marriage. Now, we work together in business and in marriage as I continue to grow my speaking and writing platform.
Here’s the link for the Bright Spot feature story: Group Uses Men to Stop Other Men from Committing Domestic Violence 
by Joyce Kyles | Sep 22, 2015 | Blog
When we were in grammar school, we were taught the concept of stop, drop and roll in case of a fire. I have found this approach to be useful in my personal and professional journey of growth.
STOP: Sometime, we have to place ourselves Under Construction. If you broke your foot, you would wear a medical boot. People will see it, recognize that you’re not matching, but they will understand. When you’ve healed and you’re ready, you will remove the boot and the world will see your new and improved look. The same is true with your website or any other social media presence. It’s ok to put up an “Under Construction” page for awhile. People will see that you’ve shut down, but they will understand that you’re going through a transformation process to improve. For those who feel like they must leave it up because they’re going to miss out on something or someone, ask yourself what type of people are you attracting with misinformation, misspelled words or outdated content. Anyone who’s looking to take your brand seriously will not give you the time of day if what you have to offer isn’t a clean, clear and functional representation of your brand.
When we get dressed, we always check the mirror to make sure our makeup is on point, our shoes, dress, purse, tie, pocket square, etc… is a good coordinated compliment to our overall appearance and presentation. People notice if you are wearing one red shoe and one black shoe. They notice if your pants are too long, your dress is too tight or if your perfume is too loud. People will look at you strange and talk about you. You will end up being somebody’s meme. The same is true for whatever business you’re in. Just as we go back to the mirror to double check our appearance, we also have to go back from time to time to make sure that our cyber world hasn’t been hacked and that it’s working properly.
Drop: It’s all about proximity. I was watching an episode of Shark Tank and Damon John was offering advice to a contestant. His paraphrased statement: “It’s all about proximity. If you hang out with four broke people, guess what? You’ll be number five.” Steve Harvey says that his dad told him that the best thing he could do for broke people is not to be one of them. As I work to grow and establish myself holistically, I often reflect on these two statements. Who am I hanging around? Are these people adding value to my life? Am I adding value to theirs? Broke isn’t always in finances, as I’ve dealt with a number of people who were also broken in spirit and time. They have of time for drama, gossip, pity parties, Real Housewives of whomever and yet, they have legitimate issues that are legitimately affecting their overall quality of life. However, you have to be willing to put yourself in a position of prosperity. You have to be open for change. And, most of all, you have to put in the work. Sometimes, you have to be creative in your creativity and ask for help. Put yourself in a position to receive the things you say you want and need. You have to do it mentally AND physically.
Roll: Move your brand in the intended direction. People will treat you and your brand in accordance to what you’re showing them. I remember having this great video made of me to promote my new business and the videographer thought it would be good to incorporate my ‘why’ for the business. The result? People who saw it viewed me as an abuse survivor who became an entrepreneur rather than an entrepreneur who is also a survivor. I found myself being sought after for my advocacy, and my business became secondary. It took me nearly two years before I realized that I’d inadvertently misdirected potential business in a different direction. I branded myself the wrong way. Since that time, I’ve removed the video altogether from my site. I use the video for advocacy speaking and training purposes.
Remember to stop, drop and roll when considering which direction to go in and eliminate the potential fires that could result in moving by the wrong direction.
by Joyce Kyles | Sep 21, 2015 | Blog
So, twice this week, I woke up with great intentions and a detailed plan of what I wanted and needed to do. And, twice this week, everything I set out to do failed miserably. I woke up late both times. I had a migraine one of those days. The events I wanted to attend were cancelled or I just didn’t feel up to going due to the migraine. There was a price increase on something I needed to buy (the sale had ended the day before). I couldn’t find the notes I needed for a meeting to discuss my upcoming plans for a project. I decided to go to one of my favorite places for hot wings. I got sick later! My laptop is slowly crashing and now, it shuts off and restarts. Unfortunately, it shut down at a time that I had not saved everything.
One of the reasons that those who’ve been abused decide to go back to their abusers is that they’ve reached a point of frustration. Nothing seems to be going right. No matter how hard they try or how much effort they put into connecting with the right people, their needs are just not being met. So, how do you encourage someone who’s on the fence about what to do? And, if that someone is you, how do you keep going when giving up seems like a much better option.
While there is no one clear cut, simple answer to this, I’ll give you the one that has made the most sense for me regarding giving up-DON’T! Please stay the course. Something IS working and that something is YOU! We have to remind ourselves and others that it takes a lot of strength and courage to recognize and leave an unhealthy place and head into a path of uncertainty. If we have the strength to leave, then we have the strength to keep going. We may have to do some reassessing of what’s not working. Sometimes, there are situations beyond our control. Other times, we have to be more trusting and transparent with ourselves and others and ask for help or more help if necessary. It’s not about pride. It’s about progress. I will be doing another post specifically on that later. The point is, our lives are a series of peaks and valleys. It is in the valley that we learn our strength. Our legs get stronger. Our minds become more creative. But, that only happens if you fight for it. It takes work. It’s easy to give up, give in or go back. But, you already know what that looks and feels like. So, continue to push forward, ask for help, change your circle of influence and don’t give up. Eventually, you’ll reach your peak. And, when you encounter another series of valley moments, you’ll be able to withstand them because you will have the experience of knowing that you’ve been there before and lived through it.
Today, I participated in my first 5k run/walk. The 2nd Annual Share Life Awareness Walk took place at 9am this morning. It was hosted by Kamekio Lewis, who wears many hats to include author, Executive Director, Magazine Editor, wife, mother and survivor of domestic violence. It was an honor to participate in the event. And, I actually placed 2nd in the walk/run! Not bad for someone who is NOT a runner and as much as I hate to admit it, not actively engaging in exercise in the way that I should be. I learned some great lessons from the event, and I’ll be writing another blog that will be specific to lessons learned. For now, I want to just take a moment to celebrate this awesome milestone.
