by Joyce Kyles | Dec 1, 2016 | Blog
On November 5, 2016, I hosted my organization’s 6th Annual Men’s Domestic Violence Awareness program. This year, I chose to co-host the event with our Family Safety Center. The purpose is to bring our community together to promote and encourage male involvement, mentoring, education and healthy relationships. We also make honorary presentations for male advocates, with a specific emphasis on domestic violence. I strategically host this event on the 1st Saturday following Domestic Violence Awareness month. I believe it keeps the conversation going, adding the component of showing the positive side of male advocacy and their involvement to help end violence against women.
The following week, on November 8, 2016, the U.S. Presidential election took place. After spending the weekend celebrating men who engage in efforts to eradicate violence against women, I watched in disbelief as the country voted to place a man in office whose comments about various groups, including minorities and women, have been disturbing, to say the least.
I am saddened to see that what I continue to feel and experience in my own community has come to pass in reality as a whole across our nation. The selection of our new President shows that a high level of fear, celebrity and the acceptance of ‘locker room talk’ among other issues, is alive and well. It also shows that those of us who serve in a leadership capacity have to continue pushing our local, state and national legislators to hold those accountable for establishing and/or furthering to incite the social, racial and economic injustices that have caused various minority communities to feel even less likely to trust or believe for equality and long term change.
Furthermore, it is noteworthy to mention that our President elect won based on the electoral college and not the popular vote. After researching the history of how the electoral college was formed in the first place, it appears that the voices of minorities were not part of that establishment. I’m a woman of color living in a southern ‘red’ state. I’m definitely a boots on the ground type of community leader, and yes I voted. And, while my vote DID matter in terms of my right to do so, that vote went up against a systematically strong alliance that continues to show up as a powerful, united front.
What does all of this mean for me as a minority women in leadership? It serves as a personal and professional reminder that I/we still have a lot of work to do. There are current laws that need to be examined, challenged and changed. I’m more determined to ensure that my voice and the voices of other minorities are heard, respected and protected. As a woman of color & community leader, I have an obligation to serve my community, ensure they understand their right to speak up and out regarding issues of equality and justice, and demand that tangible resources are made available to further enhance their quality of life. Hopefully, the new President will sincerely examine our country’s issues, challenges and concerns in a way that will encourage him to adopt a different perspective and work for holistic justice and equality.
by Joyce Kyles | Nov 27, 2016 | Blog
I certainly hope everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday and weekend overall. For many of us, it was a time well spent with family and friends. It was a time to enjoy great food, fun and fellowship with those that we love. Many of us created some wonderful memories. We also reflected on those whom we may have lost over the past year. Thanksgiving is typically thought of as just that-a time of giving thanks for all things wonderful.
I certainly did a lot of that this year. All three of my grandchildren came to our home this year, and it was certainly a joy to watch them interact with one another. My daughters now have children of their own. Their children are cousins. My youngest grandchild, a girl, is almost two years old. So, she’s at an age where she understands pretty well, speaks plenty of understandable words and has more energy than most of us! I helped to deliver each of them, and it has given my heart great joy to watch them grow up. I have two granddaughters and one grandson, which is identical to my own children. However, the boy is the oldest grandchild. My son is the youngest. The funniest part of all is that we ALL say my grandson acts exactly like my son. They haven’t always spent time around each other, so where is comes from is still a bit of a mystery in a way.
But, it’s important to be thankful for the valley moments. It’s not an easy thing to do. In fact, it can be nearly impossible at times. But, it makes us stronger. It makes us more appreciative of the peaks we enjoy. The valley puts us in a position to test our faith, accept our truth and most of all, remind us that we are human. Being human means that you’re going to make some mistakes. Everything will not be perfect. You’re going to experience hurt and loss. You’re not going to be treated fairly.
I’ve definitely had my valley moments. In fact, I’m having a bit of a valley experience even as I write this blog. What I encourage you to do is to acknowledge that you’re going through the valley. Acknowledge it to yourself and then to someone you trust. Don’t stay in the valley alone or for too long. Let someone know you’re in there so they can help you get out! There’s strength in vulnerability. Be thankful that you’re able to recognize that things aren’t where you need, want and/or desire them to be. You recognize that the situation will get better and/or you have come into an acceptance about where you are and what’s to come. When you do that, there’s a whole world of situations that you can look at and say you’re thankful-the good, the bad and the challenging.
by Joyce Kyles | Oct 28, 2016 | Blog
I recently had the privilege of speaking at Hard Rock Cafe in Memphis, TN. It was the location for my dear friend, Gwendolyn Turner’s 1st official fundraiser for her transitional housing facility. The Corinthian Safe House will be a safe haven for women and families fleeing domestic violence. It’s has a tentative date of operation of December, 2016. Gwen asked if I would share a few words about my personal journey and the need for housing for survivors in our community.
It was a great opportunity for me to share about my struggles with solidifying housing for myself and my children when I left my abuser. It’s not easy finding housing, especially when your credit is not that great, resources are limited, transportation is a challenge and you are dealing with the emotional and/or physical trauma of abuse. I was able to share how everything I just mentioned were barriers for me. I was able to share how those same issues are a constant problem for many of the survivors I’ve spoken to. And, having worked specifically as a Victim Advocate for Shelby Co., I spend a lot of time talking with victims and survivors first hand. Housing was often listed as a top priority. I conducted a survey recently among advocates and survivors of abuse. Housing was the one barrier that was listed as a priority at a rate of 100%.
I am hopeful that Gwen’s date of operation becomes a reality. It looks very promising. It is certainly needed. I will be there for the ribbon cutting. If you’re in the Memphis, TN area, I encourage you to join us. Be on the look out for additional information.
by Joyce Kyles | Oct 24, 2016 | Blog
For a 2nd year, I am pleased to have been asked to join Katrina Kimble and Pearl “Hair Deva” Walker with co-hosting a Pink and Purple Awareness Day event. You ARE worth fighting for, and I’m excited about all that the event will bring. We will have some great food, vendor shopping, networking opportunities and of course, information on domestic violence as well as breast cancer. It’s absolutely free to attend, and my hope is that those who are in the Memphis, TN area make plans to attend and share this event with others. If you’re not in the area but would like more information, please let me know. I’ll be more than happy to share it with you.
Katrina Kimble is truly the brainchild behind this wonderful event. With over 20 years of health & wellness and community & faith based engagement, she’s truly an expert in her field. She is certified in several areas of health and wellness and her expertise has been embraced around the country.
Pearl “Hair Deva” Walker is a licensed natural stylist and the owner of Legacy Locks and Natural Styles, a business that has been around for over 60 years. A community activist in her own right, Pearl continues to be committed to bringing thought provoking perspectives to her salon and regularly hosts events to encourage positive dialogue on a number of social issues affecting our communities locally and nationally.
by Joyce Kyles | Oct 15, 2016 | Blog
This weekend, I had the opportunity to speak at a monthly forum called The Mental Discussion. Hosted by Mental Health Therapist Brandy Flynn, the purpose is to bring community awareness on issues related to mental health as well as the various intersections. This month, she wanted to address the intersections between mental health and domestic violence.
While I touched on several points, the most significant one I want to share in this blog is that of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. As described by the US Dept of Veteran Affairs, PTSD is a mental health problem that can occur after a traumatic event such as war, assault or disaster. So often, many of us only think of PTSD as a condition exclusive to war veterans. Before I had a true understanding of PTSD, I made the same assumption. As I began to learn more about myself on the survivor’s side of abuse, I realized that there were certain images made me nervous to the point of hand tremors and even insomnia. There are certain movies I cannot watch and conversations for which I cannot participate. I used to think that something was wrong with me. I mean, after all, it’s just a movie or it’s just a conversation. I believed that I needed to just accept that and get over it.
PTSD is very real for anyone who has gone through a traumatic experience. It becomes active when a person is exposed to certain triggers. They are different for everyone. For some, it may be gunfire which reminds them of a traumatic experience in their lives. For others, it may be a particular genre of music. It’s important to let your doctor or counselor know if you think you may be suffering from PTSD. They will be able to discuss the signs and options for help.
On November 5, 2016, I hosted my organization’s 6th Annual Men’s Domestic Violence Awareness program. This year, I chose to co-host the event with our Family Safety Center. The purpose is to bring our community together to promote and encourage male involvement, mentoring, education and healthy relationships. We also make honorary presentations for male advocates, with a specific emphasis on domestic violence. I strategically host this event on the 1st Saturday following Domestic Violence Awareness month. I believe it keeps the conversation going, adding the component of showing the positive side of male advocacy and their involvement to help end violence against women. 
