by Joyce Kyles | Aug 15, 2016 | Blog
In business, as well as in our personal lives, no can sometimes be the hardest word to say. Those two little words possess a great deal of power and influence. The closer we are to the person, place or thing we must say no to, the more difficult it is to do. I will go a step further and say that we feel compelled to provide an explanation. And, while I do believe that sometimes it is necessary to explain why we are saying no, in most cases, it is not. As humans, we tend to feel obligated to explain ourselves. We don’t want individuals to be mad at us or feel we are letting them down. The truth is, no is a complete sentence. It’s an answer to a question. Whether or not you should offer a why depends on the situation.
Understand that providing an explanation doesn’t mean you’ll be forgiven. It doesn’t mean you will be more liked. What is does mean is that you respected yourself and others to say no. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. When I say no, it’s usually because I’m trying to protect myself and/or others. There’s a lesson to be learned. There’s a strength that needs to be explored or exercised.
With each encounter in question, ask yourself what the short and long term outcomes will be. Examine the pros and cons. Evaluate whether the risk is worth the reward. Decide whether or not it will compromise your values, peace of mind and overall holistic well being. Assess whether or not you will see growth and if there is a mutual benefit.
Once you’ve completed your research, evaluations and careful assessments, you will be able to make an informed decision about what YOU want and need to do. And, if the answer is no, then say it with confidence, knowing that unless it is truly necessary, an explanation is not needed nor required.
by Joyce Kyles | Aug 1, 2016 | Blog
I just wanted to take a quick moment to acknowledge my 2 year wedding anniversary to my amazing husband, Jason. People often ask me how I gained enough trust in someone to allow them into my heart after having dealt with abuse. I dedicated an entire chapter of my book, Restoring the Whole in My Soul to our story because I felt that others needed to see and know that love after abuse is possible, and the HOW it happened wasn’t a fairy tale knight in shining armor type of story. It’s about real people who established a friendship which set the foundation for love, trust and understanding on a holistic level.
I absolutely love my husband for helping me to grow, trust, love and pursue my dreams. He encourages me to go further, push harder, dig deeper and explore infinite possibilities. He helped me to develop a business brand, a nonprofit and a confidence to share my knowledge and experiences in a way that is both professional and personable. I have never felt more safe, secure and encouraged in a relationship. I not only speak and train about healthy relationships, micro enterprise, personal development and life after abuse. I live it daily. It’s evident in the way I carry myself. It’s evident in my conversations. It’s given my family, friends and colleagues an opportunity to see my growth. I am grateful for this phase of my journey and all of the wonderful adventures that my husband and I will share for years to come.
by Joyce Kyles | Jun 25, 2016 | Blog
I’m honored beyond words to have been selected as one of 12 women in our community as the Elizabeth Terry Reproductive Justice at the Intersections Award honoree. The beautiful program was hosted by SisterReach, Founder and Executive Director, Cherrise Scott. I absolutely love working in a field that helps to bring awareness and change regarding issues related to domestic violence and sexual assault. As a survivor, I can transparently reflect on times when I felt that my reproductive choices were compromised due to marriage. As I learn more about SisterReach and reproductive justice as a whole, I understand that it’s more than just about abortion. I strongly suggest that you take some time to learn more about the wonderful work of SisterReach and how you can get involved.
Here’s the link to the official announcement re: the award, honorees and more information about SisterReach: http://myemail.constantcontact.com/SisterReach-Honors-Black-Women-in-Memphis-in-Honor-of-RJ-Founders.html?soid=1124028770878&aid=B5OwzgXP1qU
by Joyce Kyles | Feb 18, 2016 | Blog
With February being known as the month of love and inclusive of Valentine’s Day, society has convinced so many people that it is necessary to buy expensive gifts and eat at fancy restaurants. And, with social media being the driving force of real time information, everyone’s in a competition to see who can buy the biggest and the best of everything so that it can posted, tweeted and instant messaged for all to see. But, is this the true meaning of love? Valentine’s Day is one day. We have 365 days in a year (366 during leap year). Are you any less loved or cared for during those times?
The truth is, not everyone can afford to buy expensive gifts. Not everyone can afford to buy gifts period. That doesn’t mean that you are any less loved or valued. It doesn’t mean that the love you have for others should be measured by what you can provide with material options. Love is an action word, and that action can be displayed in the time you spend with those that you love and care about. Say I love you. Talk about those things that make the person special. Compliment their cooking. Want to do something tangible? Create a list of 10 things that make that person great. Put them on note cards and place them in areas that the intended reader is certain to find them.
Just a quick note to say that if you’re reading this, thank you! I appreciate you. You took out the time to read what I had to say, and for that, I am grateful. My way of showing the community that I care is through my blogs and hosting the radio show, Boots on the Ground. I also do my best to be transparent in the way that I speak and carry myself. I give what I can financially to individuals and organizations. I often write handwritten notes to send out to others to say thank you, I appreciate you or I love you. I do it randomly throughout the year. I feel that these are some way to REALLY show someone how you feel about them. I encourage each of you to act in accordance to your means to express love and appreciation. And, concentrate on letting everyday serve as an opportunity to love yourself and others. Society as a whole may label February as the specific time to express it, but real love shouldn’t be defined by a day, but rather, by consistent actions that can be seen, felt, heard and remembered long after February has come and gone.
by Joyce Kyles | Jan 12, 2016 | Blog
I had the privilege of taking part in a very well put together telesummit entitled Transcend 2016: Connect, Express, Relate and Grow. It was hosted by Jennifer Tagaki of Jennifer Tagaki Co. and she was very intentional about putting together a group of women who specialized in specific areas of health, wellness and financial literacy. The result? A week long telesummit filled with great information and presented by knowledgeable, passionate and engaging women. In addition to being provided great information via telephone, each speaker provided freebies to everyone who signed up. Everyone who tuned in was able to hear and receive the tools they needed to holistically succeed.
My topic was entitled Walking Into A New Life: Overcoming Abuse. WIANL is also the name of my nonprofit organization. It is my belief that you have to have the proper mindset to do anything, so if you’re being mentally tormented, it will be very difficult to concentrate on the other aspects of your life. We must not just concern ourselves with our physical health. Time and attention must be devoted to our mental health as well. WIANL’s mission is to stop domestic violence and help stabilize victims through a series of projects, programs and initiatives that we host throughout the year. Don’t ever feel the need to be in a hurry when it comes to getting over abuse. It is a process and everyone will need to do it at their own pace. But, with the right guidance and tangible resources, it is possible to live a holistically happy and healthy life. I am honored to have been able to share my insights with those in attendance.
In business, as well as in our personal lives, no can sometimes be the hardest word to say. Those two little words possess a great deal of power and influence. The closer we are to the person, place or thing we must say no to, the more difficult it is to do. I will go a step further and say that we feel compelled to provide an explanation. And, while I do believe that sometimes it is necessary to explain why we are saying no, in most cases, it is not. As humans, we tend to feel obligated to explain ourselves. We don’t want individuals to be mad at us or feel we are letting them down. The truth is, no is a complete sentence. It’s an answer to a question. Whether or not you should offer a why depends on the situation.
